I Let My 5th Piercing Close

A subtle lesson in transformation.

Roughly 2 years ago, out of boredom, my brother and I decided to get more piercings: 3 for me (2 lobes, 1 helix), and 4 for him (3 lobes, 1 helix.) I was informed that getting piercings from mall jewelry shops are not the best option out there but what can we do, we’re bored out of or minds and have nothing to do.

There’s nothing new and complicated about the aftercare of nursing new lobe piercings. I just usually let it be and it heals itself. I wish I could say the same for my helix, though. That one brought rough nights and I couldn’t sleep on my side. But eventually, like all other wounds, it healed and got my sweet nights of sleep back.

Fast forward to two or so weeks ago — I constantly found myself thumbing through my helix and looking for the earring. I would get disappointed to find none. And so, I kept on replacing it with a new one, causing it to reopen the “wounds” that were once healed. It had been a tedious cycle of replacement before I decided that I’ll let it be for two weeks.

Weeks quickly passed and I didn’t realize that I’m no longer sporting a helix piercing. I was just reminded of it because I saw the earring that I lost when I was deep cleaning my room.

I was thinking if I should put it back or not. I am already comfortable without it. But knowing the person that I am who doesn’t want to waste — money, time, potential, I tried to fit the earrings on. And man, it hurt a lot.

So even if it was difficult for me, I let it go.

I have decided that I will no longer wear earrings on my helix.

It was a subtle lesson of transformation: I am no longer that person.

I am no longer the person who I want others to see. I am comfortable with just being like this: simple as I have defined it, comfortable, not tolerating any unnecessary hurt.

Living Deliciously

Funnily, I am reading this book by Florence Given which tackles the same theme in one of its chapters: authenticity.

She laid out good points on evaluating the person you are now vs the person you want to become:

The beautiful thing is that what makes us happy now, does not have to be the same thing that made us happy years ago, or the same thing that makes other people happy!

Being reminded that we are allowed to evolve is refreshing and assuring. As humans, we are not expected to become stagnant and rooted in just one point. We are ever growing and changing and so much so our preferences.

The guilt that we feel for changing our minds and wanting something different can hold us in place, preventing us from growing.

Understandably, it is especially difficult to let go of themes or concepts when we have put so much effort in crafting our ideas around it — when we have spent time, money, and passion to cultivate it.

But that’s just how it is sometimes.

We can honor our efforts by being grateful of how much it had make us feel or shaped us into the person who are today despite it being short-lived. Happiness doesn’t always stay that long; what’s important is that it stayed during the time that you need it the most.

We’re going to have to be ready to make others uncomfortable with decisions we make about our own lives.

No man is an island and everybody knows that. We will not be where we are now without the grace and kindness of other people. However, there will come a point when we would need to disappoint them and choose our happiness over them. Continuously choosing other people’s happiness demotes us of our place in our own lives. Once we get used to being second in our own lives, our self-confidence and self-image take hits too.

You start to trust yourself a little bit more each time and life gets just fucking easier because there is no more debating in your head.

Self-confidence can be practiced, self-esteem is something that should be cultivated and comes from within. Every time we say yes to others and say no to ourselves, we do ourselves disservice. Needless to say, whenever we say no even though there is a possibility of disappointing others, we trust ourselves even more and that contributes to a better relationship with ourselves.

Being a Woman and Boundaries

Sad to say, being a woman is tough and there are a lot of things that we need to unlearn as we grow older. We were taught to be nice since the time that we’ve gained consciousness of the world. Nice meant being kind; nice meant saying yes as much as possible even though our plate is full already.

We may not notice it but the blurring boundaries affects our relationships. We grow resentment towards the people we love. We stash imaginary “favor” bullets that we’re ready to fire whenever arguments come up, hoping that it would be enough to “balance” the situation and let our good side be seen in challenging situations. But instead of doing this, why can’t we just communicate what we want (and we don’t want)? Because we do not want to be seen as bitchy. The opposite of nice is bitchy and nobody wants to be that girl.

But growing older, I realized that it’s okay to be a bitch (side note: you should also read the book Why Men Love Bitches, there are a lot of outdated concepts but majority still stands true) and it’s liberating to be one.

Asserting your boundaries is actually a good litmus test for people. Only those who do not value you and see you as their equal would not comply. Once communicated, your boundaries would be something valuable to the other party to be considered if they really, truly, value your relationship. And so what I realized is that the more I come across people who see my boundaries as “unnecessary”, the more opportunities come my way: opportunities to find better people to surround me, opportunities to work on projects that align with my values, and opportunities to celebrate my life without compromising my beliefs.

I guess what I really want to say is, the older I get, the more I get to know myself better and I love that for me.

And I love it even more that people stick around because of me being me.